
Musings
- essentiallyblue
- Jun 10, 2020
- 2 min read
Of all the good things to wish someone, which would you say is the greatest? Luck? Peace of mind? Success? Happiness? Love? Well... I don't know either, which is the greatest. Not that it matters but, I just wish you would have wished me one of these instead. I've never been a fan of luck but, at least I'll know you have my best interests at heart. Peace of mind? You could as well wrap up a dozen bars of chocolate and have them delivered to me... that's uhm...much preferred since it's scientifically proven. Success? I don't even know what the word means anymore. But, if I'm here, and you're here too, doesn't that count? Happiness for me was tangled about you...of course you couldn't wish me that...
How could you expect me to be happy? You'd made sure that subtle emotion stayed so far away from me till I forgot what it felt like. Now...where was I? Love. You know, that word now has the most absurd meaning to both of us now. Somehow, at first, it meant everything it was supposed to mean...but somewhere along the line...You know, I don't really blame you. I blame myself. I let me fall for all your promises. I stopped me from feeling the pain everytime it hurt. I stopped me from talking to someone, oh anyone who cared to listen to how badly you changed.
I listened to your serenading lies and closed my eyes when the truth glared at me. That's clearly why I don't even know exactly when along the line that I snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. The warnings, the sirens, the red. I was broken in ways even the most sincere parts of me couldn't heal. That's why I wanted you to wish me luck or peace of mind, success or happiness, even love. Have you no shame then, as you stand unremorseful at the door, wishing I was wise enough to see that letting you go was a big mistake? I'm sorry dearest. But it's not. I would gain everything you didn't wish me if I let you go. If, because, all my life, nobody ever wished me a heart brave enough to move on...not even me...
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